Right now, my brain is murdering me, my eyes are slightly glazed (hopefully not icing, honey, or any food-stuff glaze), and I feel like a wreck. Been working this week hard. Gotten in roughly 40 hours in this week, and am still fighting to keep it that way. What's worse is that my hours have been cut, and cut, and cut. Thankfully, though, it's reached a point that it can't be cut any more... To my knowledge. I wish I could just have a regular schedule instead of having two weeks worth of schedules hanging up, and have completely different shifts on each. Fevered dream, I know.
My niece is having a baby boy. This makes the third time I become a great uncle. Quite odd to me, actually. Also, one thing that has been bothering me for quite some time, and I have never addressed it before now, is that I have some sort of animal/human magnetism. Sometimes it works in my favor, like for cats and dogs being hesitant, and myself being a tiny bit persistent, and other times, I get it regardless. For example, I go to family functions with toddlers about, and, at first, they seem quite afraid of me, but, with me being around for a bit, they attach themselves to me like glue. It's not the fact that I don't like kids, it's the fact that I have no idea how to react around kids. No training, no insight, nothing. I feel embarrassed to admit it, but I have had this happen to me quite a bit. Some children, they don't attach, which I understand, but others? I'm a magnet. I have no clue as to why, either.
And now the brain-pain again. Been dealing with a bit of stress with work, stress with beating the mental crap out of myself, and dealing with bills, it's getting to be a bit much again. I had a little bit of help when I was younger, but I don't know anymore. Everything is too expensive, my mind is going to the dump, my body.... Ergh. Anyway, I... I should share a bit of my history....
You see, I am a very emotional person. And by very emotional, I mean that when I hit an animal, big or small, I flip out, screaming and crying. Whether they are alive or not, I haven't a clue, but I still do it. So far, I have hit a deer, a rabbit, a few squirrels, a raccoon, and even a barnyard cat. Each instance, I freaked out. The time I hit the deer, it damaged the front end of my car, but I didn't care that it was. The deer was what I was freaking out about. I had hurt it. I was so shaken up, you would have been convinced I was just introduced to coffee, I was shaking that badly.
And I also have a messed up body. It knows that it's about 25, but it thinks that it's quite a bit younger. Don't ask me why, but it seems to be that way. Probably due to the fact of my birth, myself being 3 weeks past due. Came close to killing both myself and my mom in the process. That's the first time I almost died.
The second, third and fourth were as follows: When I was about 4, or roughly in my single digits before school, I was a little snot-nosed kid; I would run up to my brother, squeeze the hell out of his infected, ingrown toe, and run away, screaming with glee as he writhed in pain. He took me to the local fair, and said that it was time to leave. I was beyond ticked off when we got back to the house. After we did so, I was left, steaming, in his car. I was in the passenger's seat, and was saying how unfair it was that he took me away from the fair. I thought to myself that if I took the vehicle out of park, I would be able to go back to the fair. I did.... Bad idea. It rolled backward. I had no idea what was going on, and sat in my seat. It rolled down the hill, across the street, and into the ditch across the street. It stopped in the ditch, thankfully, and I had no clue what was going on, what I was going to do, and where I was until I got out. Before I got out of the car, it turned out that there were 2 18-wheelers, whom were going opposite directions, passed at the same time right where I was at less than a second before. It didn't faze me when it happened, but looking back on it, I still am scared how careless I was with my life. Third time was with the deer. If my airbag, when I hit the deer, activated, I probably wouldn't of had any idea what to do, and might not of been able to react as well as I did.. I was going the speed limit when I hit it, but I did slam on the brakes just before impact. The deer died, I had a front-end to fix, and things looked horribly expensive. Thankfully, though, my brother was able to help out, taking bits off of another car that my mother had and change them out. That was the third.
The fourth one.. Was where I ran off the side of the road. Admittedly, I was scared when I started sliding. I knew that I was going to do something I'd regret, and, as I slid, I tried to turn the wheels into the skid, but the side of the road happened first. It lead to a drop that scared the hell out of me. Everything about my car was fine after sliding off the road, and even getting back on. I was shaken, due to the fact of being able to have flipped, and possibly crush myself in the car.
Death pokes in to check on me, doesn't it?
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